Voice update http://soundboard.com/sb/seanie314.aspx
I bought my first electric razor last weekend and finally shaved off my moustache ... or the little bit of hair above my lip parading as one. Hair is already growing back, so that's good.
Been having some problems from the pneumonia. My back/shoulder muscles have been cramping and spasming. I went to the clinic again last week and the doctor I got was a complete idiot. She went to listen to my heart and tried to pull up my binder from the back. I helped her out and eventually she got to listen to my heart. A little bit later she told me that I was wearing a really tight shirt and that could be restricting my air flow. I think I just stared blankly at her because in that moment it was obvious to me that she had no idea I wasn't a bio male. I asked her about pain meds for my muscles and she told me Tylenol. Obviously if I'm in a clinic Tylenol isn't working. She finally prescribed me a second antibiotic and left... not before telling me again that I shouldn't be wearing such tight shirts.
WTF??
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Saturday, December 29, 2007
6 months
When I first started taking T I thought of 6 months as really far away. Today marks my 6 monthiversary and I'm def happy with the results so far. Yesterday I noticed that my sideburns are beginning to grow in. I was told that I'm not as awkward anymore, as if I've grown into my face.
I went to the walk-in clinic on Thursday because I've had a cold for over a month and the chest pain was getting too much. On my paper hospital bracelet I'm identified as male. It's not often that I get to see my name next to a M. It was nice. The nurse said I looked too young to be 24, she said I was just a baby. I told the doctor that I was taking testosterone. He asked for what, and I said for hormone replacement therapy. He just nodded and continued on without even blinking. Then I had to go in for chest x-rays. The x-ray tech told me that I would have to take off my chain and my shirt. So I took off my chain and just stood there.
Nurse: Ok, just take off your shirt.
Me: Uh,...I can't leave it on?
Nurse: No...
Nurse: Do you want a johnny?
Me: Yes.
So I took off my t-shirt and put the johnny on, trying to conceal my binder underneath.
Nurse:You aren't wearing anything under this, are you?
Me:I am.
Nurse: Everything has to be off under the johnny
So I went back to the dressing area and took off my binder. I slouched for the x-rays, except when I had to lift my arms over my head. Luckily she either didn't notice anything out of the ordinary or just didn't say anything.
The doctor said he saw bronchitis but didn't see any pneumonia, gave me a prescription for antibiotics, and I was on my way. Not 10 minutes later I get a voicemail from him, so I call him back. Apparently the radiologist took a look at my x-rays and I did indeed have pneumonia. He said the antibiotics should still be fine.
So here I am on my 6 month happy day of t greatness laying on the couch unable to sleep because my lungs are filled spitting up mucus and blood. ;P
The best part is that I was so stressed about the x-ray/binder issue that I forgot to pick up my chain after I was done. May my favorite piece of jewelry RIP.
I'll post voice clips and more pics once I don't look and sound like death. I hope everyone had a great holiday season and are looking forward to a new year!
I went to the walk-in clinic on Thursday because I've had a cold for over a month and the chest pain was getting too much. On my paper hospital bracelet I'm identified as male. It's not often that I get to see my name next to a M. It was nice. The nurse said I looked too young to be 24, she said I was just a baby. I told the doctor that I was taking testosterone. He asked for what, and I said for hormone replacement therapy. He just nodded and continued on without even blinking. Then I had to go in for chest x-rays. The x-ray tech told me that I would have to take off my chain and my shirt. So I took off my chain and just stood there.
Nurse: Ok, just take off your shirt.
Me: Uh,...I can't leave it on?
Nurse: No...
Nurse: Do you want a johnny?
Me: Yes.
So I took off my t-shirt and put the johnny on, trying to conceal my binder underneath.
Nurse:
Me:
Nurse: Everything has to be off under the johnny
So I went back to the dressing area and took off my binder. I slouched for the x-rays, except when I had to lift my arms over my head. Luckily she either didn't notice anything out of the ordinary or just didn't say anything.
The doctor said he saw bronchitis but didn't see any pneumonia, gave me a prescription for antibiotics, and I was on my way. Not 10 minutes later I get a voicemail from him, so I call him back. Apparently the radiologist took a look at my x-rays and I did indeed have pneumonia. He said the antibiotics should still be fine.
So here I am on my 6 month happy day of t greatness laying on the couch unable to sleep because my lungs are filled spitting up mucus and blood. ;P
The best part is that I was so stressed about the x-ray/binder issue that I forgot to pick up my chain after I was done. May my favorite piece of jewelry RIP.
I'll post voice clips and more pics once I don't look and sound like death. I hope everyone had a great holiday season and are looking forward to a new year!
Thursday, December 6, 2007
Society and the stupid people that live in it
I was waiting for the bus after work a few days ago. It was cold and the bus was late. There were about 7 people waiting in the little bus shelter thing talking amongst themselves.
Story #1 - From what I picked up from bits of conversations and cell phone dialogue, one woman (probably in her mid-twenties) was with a friend of hers taking the bus to pick up drugs. Her boyfriend was a man she had met on a chatline and had taken the greyhound bus from New Jersey to see her. He was at her house picking her 2 year old daughter up off the bus. The bus company called her and said that someone was trying to get her daughter off the bus and they needed her to authorize it. She was upset that she had to call them and give authorization. First of all, why are you waiting in the cold to take a bus to get drugs when you should be at home getting your 2 year old off the bus? And secondly, shouldn't you be happy trhat the bus won't just give your kid to any random stranger? I won't even touch the boyfriend from the internet piece.
Story #2 - While we are waiting, a man (probably in his mid-late twenties) comes over to ask which bus we are waiting for then he leaves. Due to his incredibly feminine voice and mannerisms it can be assumed trhat he is gay. The man next to me (40s, big man in sweatpants) calls the kid a fag. The girl from the previous story says that she knows him and he is, indeed, gay. So the guy next to me calls him a fudge packer, says he must take the hershey way. And if that wasn't enough, he says, "I hate fags. I fucking hate fags." And the girl agrees with him. So he goes on saying how much he hates fags, and I'm just sitting next to him biting my tongue. No one else says anything and I mean, what can you say? Excuse me, Mr. Man, but that isn't really nice of you. I guess I was living with a false sense that people weren't really like this and it bothered me.
Story #1 - From what I picked up from bits of conversations and cell phone dialogue, one woman (probably in her mid-twenties) was with a friend of hers taking the bus to pick up drugs. Her boyfriend was a man she had met on a chatline and had taken the greyhound bus from New Jersey to see her. He was at her house picking her 2 year old daughter up off the bus. The bus company called her and said that someone was trying to get her daughter off the bus and they needed her to authorize it. She was upset that she had to call them and give authorization. First of all, why are you waiting in the cold to take a bus to get drugs when you should be at home getting your 2 year old off the bus? And secondly, shouldn't you be happy trhat the bus won't just give your kid to any random stranger? I won't even touch the boyfriend from the internet piece.
Story #2 - While we are waiting, a man (probably in his mid-late twenties) comes over to ask which bus we are waiting for then he leaves. Due to his incredibly feminine voice and mannerisms it can be assumed trhat he is gay. The man next to me (40s, big man in sweatpants) calls the kid a fag. The girl from the previous story says that she knows him and he is, indeed, gay. So the guy next to me calls him a fudge packer, says he must take the hershey way. And if that wasn't enough, he says, "I hate fags. I fucking hate fags." And the girl agrees with him. So he goes on saying how much he hates fags, and I'm just sitting next to him biting my tongue. No one else says anything and I mean, what can you say? Excuse me, Mr. Man, but that isn't really nice of you. I guess I was living with a false sense that people weren't really like this and it bothered me.
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Back in the day
Getting a second job was the best thing my mother ever did for me. Today she's at work 12-5 then we're heading over to my grandfather's for his open house party thing. I found something I wrote spring break of 2003 when a bunch of us attended the True Colors Conference. (I'm almost positive about the date but I could be off. I know I was a sophomore in college, so I was probably just short of turning 20)
How can you know me when I don't know myself and fear that I never will
I'm in a deep, dark cave with no light shining from above or even from below
What's in a name? A rose by any other name would smell as sweet but names are gender specific
I don't want to place a name on myself for fear that a name is just another label that I am not ready to apply to myself. I came out of the closet only to walk back in and lock the door behind me, staring at old clothing hanging lifelessly. I fear Fear itself and everything that can came with being petrified of
WHO I AM
The whole point of coming to the conference was to attend trans discussions and try to find out my identity. I'm too scared to even do to discussions about transgenderism. I don't want to be alone right now even though I am not alone and am surrounded by people. To others I am being anti-social. To myself I am being anti-everything. Even thoughts of anti-life have entered my mind. Confusion muddles my brain. How can I live my life if I do not know who I am. This is not typical teenage identify crisis.
WHO AM I
The words are blurred as tears enter my eyes. Shame, embarrassment. Do I know who I am but am too scared to admit my gender deformity to myself? How afraid of other reactions am I? I search my soul to find answers to my questions. How can I look around and not see anyone confused as I? How is it that others can keep it to themselves without showing a face of remorse and pain? I envy those who know their sexuality and are comfortable with how others perceive them.
AM I WHO YOU SEE?
Then enlighten me.
Wow. Even reading that now shakes me up a bit. This spring will mark 5 years since I wrote that and looking back makes me see how far I've come.
I tried to make a new voice clip but apparently this computer doesn't have a microphone ;p
W0rd
How can you know me when I don't know myself and fear that I never will
I'm in a deep, dark cave with no light shining from above or even from below
What's in a name? A rose by any other name would smell as sweet but names are gender specific
I don't want to place a name on myself for fear that a name is just another label that I am not ready to apply to myself. I came out of the closet only to walk back in and lock the door behind me, staring at old clothing hanging lifelessly. I fear Fear itself and everything that can came with being petrified of
WHO I AM
The whole point of coming to the conference was to attend trans discussions and try to find out my identity. I'm too scared to even do to discussions about transgenderism. I don't want to be alone right now even though I am not alone and am surrounded by people. To others I am being anti-social. To myself I am being anti-everything. Even thoughts of anti-life have entered my mind. Confusion muddles my brain. How can I live my life if I do not know who I am. This is not typical teenage identify crisis.
WHO AM I
The words are blurred as tears enter my eyes. Shame, embarrassment. Do I know who I am but am too scared to admit my gender deformity to myself? How afraid of other reactions am I? I search my soul to find answers to my questions. How can I look around and not see anyone confused as I? How is it that others can keep it to themselves without showing a face of remorse and pain? I envy those who know their sexuality and are comfortable with how others perceive them.
AM I WHO YOU SEE?
Then enlighten me.
Wow. Even reading that now shakes me up a bit. This spring will mark 5 years since I wrote that and looking back makes me see how far I've come.
I tried to make a new voice clip but apparently this computer doesn't have a microphone ;p
W0rd
Friday, November 16, 2007
A visit home
This weekend I'm in Worcester visiting my mother. Luckily for me she's working 3-7 tonight. I've already made cookies and I'm about to go rake leaves. I finally broke down and bought new headphones and a skin for Pod-o. I was a little disgusted at myself at how dirty I've let the white parts of my I-Pod get (the rest of it is silver - that was pretty dirty as well.) so now it has a nice black skin. The headphone I got are white which is taking a little getting used to. I'm just glad I have my music back.
I had my therapist appointment in Boston today. I talked a lot about wanting to write book someday, something that other trans men in positions similar to mine can relate to. I also talked about wanting to be a speaker someday and my therapist seemed really interested in my potential as a trans educator. W0rd.
I think I fell asleep on the train from South Station to Worcester, either that or i just zoned out with my eyes closed for half an hour. I started my day at 6:10am and didn't take any adderell so I was wiped out.
I should get to the raking before it gets dark.
I posted a picture from about 13 months ago. My skin was so much clearer! ;)
I had my therapist appointment in Boston today. I talked a lot about wanting to write book someday, something that other trans men in positions similar to mine can relate to. I also talked about wanting to be a speaker someday and my therapist seemed really interested in my potential as a trans educator. W0rd.
I think I fell asleep on the train from South Station to Worcester, either that or i just zoned out with my eyes closed for half an hour. I started my day at 6:10am and didn't take any adderell so I was wiped out.
I should get to the raking before it gets dark.
I posted a picture from about 13 months ago. My skin was so much clearer! ;)
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