Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Adventures in Chemotherapy II




It's that time again where I sit for 6 hours to receive my monthly intake of cyclophosphamide and everything that comes with it. This late in the afternoon the place is empty, so when my IV beeps they know it's me. This is the first time I've done this alone. I must say it much quieter and less stressful without my mother here. It's a little lonely, though.





One thing I hate about it is that people assume I have cancer. I don't have cancer. And I feel bad that the people who have cancer feel bad for me because they assume I have cancer. I should get a lupus tattoo on my forehead. One of the volunteers was going around telling people about a cancer benefit they are doing on June 8th and strongly urged me to go. I wanted to be like, I really don't have cancer. But I said nothing, nodded and took the flyer. Another patient who was apparently here the last time I was asked if I was coming again in 2 weeks, I said no, 4, and then she asked how many I had left. And I wanted to say, I don't have cancer. But she does, and I feel bad. So I said, 3 or 4 and she said she hoped I felt better. I said I hoped she did too and I waved her goodbye. Not that my disease is any less urgent then cancer, I mean obviously I'm being treated the same way. It's just frustrating.





I should be done in about an hour. I'm really tired. I watched the first disc of Arrested Development which is a funny show. I'm all hooked up with the laptop, my headphones, and my ipod plugged in. When I get up to pee it's quite a production.








Jesus CHRIST why do I keep beeping!!


Today I've been on testosterone for 10 months. I can't believe it's almost been a year. I look at pictures from before and read my old journal and it's all so surreal. I feel so much better being myself. I pass 100% of the time and the only time I'm nervous is when I'm interacting with people who knew me before transition. But that's usually just me being paranoid, everyone has been great. And I'm realizing now that just because I assume people know that I transitioned I can't be positive. So if I'm seeing someone I haven't seen in awhile and they are expecting Sarah, I have to be prepared for that. Because I am DEFINITELY not her ;P


I've started to grow out my sideburns. And by grow out I mean you can almost see the fuzz ;P I'm hoping it'll look a little better when I get a haircut. There is nothing I can do about my predisone-induced moon face. I'm just glad the acne is better under control.