Saturday, December 27, 2008

Oh christian day of presents... how I loathe thee

And I'll tell you why Christmas is not one of my better holidays.
I haven't figured out a way to avoid going to my mother's for Christmas and every other mandatory holiday. I don't enjoy being here for many reasons. My most grating is that she and the majority of her friends still refer to me in female pronouns. Annoying. Another good reason to hate Christmas is the Dollar Store. Instead of saving her money to get something good or, better yet, saving her money so she's not always taking from her retirement fund (considering she has no life insurance) Christmas is a holiday in which my mother buys everything for everyone at the dollar store. People she barely knows to her near and dear have a merry dollar store xmas. Now most of the things shes buys are thoughtful gifts. But I really didn't need a penguin hand warmer, or a pack of pirate stationary. (By stationary I mean a small package containing maybe 3 stickers, a pencil, and pirate erasers.)
I know, wah wah wah poor baby some people don't get anything for Christmas. Yes, and I wish I was one of them. Christmas at my mother's house is the most depressing time of the year for me. I'm constantly anxious and lonely which leads to massive amounts of drinking and drunk conversations I don't remember or wish I didn't.
Tuesday night we got a surprise phone call. Apparently during the power outage/ice storm my mother was feeling mushy and sent a xmas card to her ex mother-in-law (read: my estranged grandmother.) So my mother picks up the phone and starts talking to her. I was shaking my head back and forth so fast I'm surprised i didn't cramp. Not wanting to be around for the convo, I took one of the longest showers of my life. And my mother didn't even tell the woman that I'm not a grand'daughter' anymore. Then again, her own daughter i living with a woman and she thinks they are literally just sharing a house. So maybe grandma's not ready ;P
This Christmas Eve my mother invited everyone she ran into during the holiday season to our house. She ran around all day cooking and cleaning and running herself ragged. Who shows up? Her friend Karen and her 13 yr old son, Zeth, because we get together EVERY xmas eve. And then David, her crazy alcoholic boy toy. More on him later. So basically Zeth and I watched the oddest xmas movie ever (The Flight Before Xmas) while our mother's were in the basement smoking pot. I was trying desperately to get drunk off of 30 proof eggnog but eventually gave up.
Christmas Day isn't much better. My mother still makes the same fuss about xmas as she did when I was little. She prides herself on the amount of presents under the tree for me. Do tissues really need to be wrapped? She even wraps up presents for her cats, which sadly are too old to play with the toys she buys them. I brought my cat home for the holidays and he has provided some entertainment. Especially when, on xmas eve, he jumped on the dining room table which was already set for xmas dinner. Luckily he didn't do too much damage.
My grandfather is the only member of the family we talk to since my grandmother died 3 years ago. I had a good time with him, probably because I made up in my mind to go one for one with him on beer. My grandfather can hold his liquor better than a 4th year frat boy. I shortly moved on to champagne...and the bottle was soon gone. I watched the celtics/lakers game. One of my mother's friend's daughter, Michelle, came over later and started drinking with me. I was very vocal by the end of the game. Now, after running around for two days to entertain the masses, you'll notice in this story that NOBODY.SHOWED.UP. My mother doesn't realize that everyone usually has obligations on xmas. It's the only reason I was there. Obligation. So on xmas my mother fell asleep on the couch at 7:30. Michelle and I continue to drink and talk, we move on to cheap vodka, it's now like 11 o clock... and my mother wakes up. She heard us talking about the fact that both our parents have substance abuse problems and surround themselves with losers, but luckily she was groggy and didn't catch most of it. Around 1 she drove Michelle home...and around here the night gets foggy. i know I talked to Angela online but I don't know about what, and I called one friend 13 times when she didn't pick up. ( Because she already passed out from her own night of drinking.) And I sent some pretty embarrassing texts. The day after xmas I was hungover until about 3 in the afternoon, and my mother didn't even notice.

I'm packing up all my stuff tonight so we can leave for home in the morning. I actually have no reason for getting there so early, I just don't want to feel this way anymore. Someday I'll figure out a better way of coping with the holiday mess ;P

Last night she went out to the neighborhood bar and her boy toy David met her there. He only uses her for sex, pot, and food. She's fught with him like 9 times and always says "This is it." Last night I guess he said he just wanted to be friends but still get everything she gives him. She left the club at 1 and thought he was right behind her. She then said, I'll give him an hour. He shows up at the house at 4am. So I'm in my bedroom wondering if I should get dressed and/or call the cops as they yell at each other through the window. He said he wanted his "beer" which was in the fridge. The guy dordn't drink beer. He drinks smirnoff ice. She said later if she had brought it to him she either would have cut his face with it or thrown it through the window of his mother's car.

Yes, i also don't get a whole lot of sleep when I'm here.

And that, boys and girls, is the reason I don't live with my mother. I'd kill myself, or develop a nice drinking problem in the process.