August has been quite the crazy month! The second week of August this dude could have spotted at numerous destinations. I got my science on at the Museum of Science in Boston and rocked out to the 80's laser show. Apparently it's a little hard on the brain if you don't have ADHD. I thought it was quite relaxing. Spent the day at Clark's Trading Post in Lincoln, NH. Who doesn't love a trained bear show, water blaster boats, and assorted other family-funness?
That night it was off to the drive-in for a comedy double feature: Pineapple Express and Step Brothers. Pineapple Express was much better than expected, while Step Brothers fell at the other end of the spectrum. I think I was the only one who stayed awake.
I received a nice fuck you letter from social security. I expected it, but it still sucks. I sent in my appeal information but I am sick of waiting around for the government to deem me disabled. I'm actively job searching and am excited about finally getting out of the house and doing something productive. The best advice I've gotten so far is to let everyone know I am job searching. I'm looking for an administrative assistant/program coordinator/ event planner type position. I', leaning towards higher ed but at this point I'm not too picky. It does have to be full time and I'm searching mostly in the Boston area. So if anyone has any leads, PLEASE let me know :)
I've loved watching the Olympics since I was young. I especially enjoyed watching this year in Beijing. (To clarify, I was not in Beijing. The Olympics were.) However, I may have watched a little too much. The other night I had a dream I was dating Michael Phelps. C'mon Vancouver 2010!!
I'm continuing to turn into a hairy beast. I'm growing a sort of goatee. I say sort of because only the lower part of my chin seems to be growing hair. It doesn't look bad and I'm probably explaining it badly. If I wanted to keep the freshly shaven look I would have to shave daily, versus a few months ago when I could go a few weeks. Oh that crazy testosterone!
I got sucked into Daniel Silva's Gabriel Allon series. Unfortunately I didn't read any of them in order. The good news is that he just came out with a new one. Hooray! Who would have thought I would get sucked into international counterintelligence assassin novels?
I fired my therapist yesterday. Well, not really. But I told her that I didn't see the point in coming in anymore. She agreed with me. The real reason is that I'm sick of paying almost $20 every two weeks to go into Boston and tell her stories that I could tell anyone. I never got any real feedback and she never pushed me on any subject. Never tried to dig deeper or extract any real problems. I'm okay with that. I'm more put together now than I was even six months ago. I have a basic game plan and I'm ready to move. I'm also spurred on by the $63 in my savings account.
I enjoy taking advantage of the free wifi at the library. I do better in an "academic" setting as far as getting paperwork and other work accomplished. ADHD adults crave structure yet most of them have trouble maintaining it. I made a list of all the things I wanted to get done today and have it next to me so I can't forget. One of the things on my to-do list is to make an eye appointment. I've had the same glasses for at least 5 years and other than the fact they are disgusting and falling apart, I know my prescription has changed. My insurance covers one eye appointment every year and free glasses. I'm pretty excited about that. Once I can see again I'm getting my driver's permit. Yes, you heard me correctly. For the third time, this kid is getting his permit. I guess technically this will be Sean's first permit... ;)
This past weekend I went to the cape with my mother. I don't if it's because I'm getting older, the testosterone, or if it's just her, but I can barely stand her. Let me clarify.
My mother was diagnosed with bipolar disorder ten years ago. She was on medication for maybe a year and took herself off because it would knock her out and she kept being late for work. Yes, took herself off instead of calling the doctor and asking him to adjust it. She smokes marijuana and since she quit smoking cigarettes two years ago, she smokes more weed. I counted at least 5 times in one day. I'm also wondering if she has an undiagnosed personality disorder. She has one full time job making $15 an hour, a part time job and a job working security on and off. She doesn't have a savings account and lives paycheck to paycheck. She doesn't pay a mortgage because she inherited her house and it was long paid off. I think she pays $600 a year in taxes. Now I know you're asking yourself, where is the money going? No, not the marijuana. Well at least not all of it. No, she buys random "gifts" for friends, acquaintances, etc. She also goes out clubbing (yes, clubbing) and I'm beginning to think she's developed a drinking problem. Her mood swings are pretty dramatic and she tends to place the blame on everyone but herself. My favorite quote regarding this is once in highway traffic she said, "Either all these cars can't drive or it's me!" And the best part is that she didn't think it was her at all. She's also a very unsafe driver and drives under the influence. And she can't follow directions. We get lost every year in the same place on the cape. I try to help her out but she usually goes her own way anyway. God forbid I make an educated guess and am wrong, then I get all the blame.
I saved the best story for last. Wednesday night my mother picked me up and we went to her house. She told me she was fighting with one of her friends because this friend said she heard somewhere that the man my mother is sleeping with was arrested. So I immediately hop online and google the guys name and the telegram and gazette, which is the local paper. Sure enough, this guy was arrested the first week of august for prostitution. Yes, prostitution. Anyone else would be like, okay you're gone. First of all you don't tell me you get arrested and secondly it's for selling your body on the street. And let's be honest; women don't pay for sex. He must be a gay prostitute. Not my mother. She tells me that I don't understand, they get along very well and have a good connection. And he's cute. I don't care if he's Jesus!! Or Brad Pitt!! I also explained to her that people who sell themselves on a street corner are doing it for a reason, usually drugs. She didn't really seem to care. He called the last day we were at the cape and she acted like nothing was wrong on the phone. I told her I would have told him to fuck off and if he asked why I'd say you know why and hang up. Maybe I'm passive aggressive like that or maybe I'm afraid I might hit him.
I had a dream that I told my mother I refused to let her be a part of my life unless she got help. The problem is that she doesn't think she needs help and she'll just be angry. The whole time we were away she kept saying this is relaxing. I wanted to scream at her, no, this isn't relaxing. I feel like I'm spending time with a crazed 16 year old who just got her license and wants to party all the time. I feel like a parent who doesn't approve of his daughter's choice in men. Unfortunately she's 48 and I have no control over what she does. But I'm afraid if I cut myself off from her she'll got nuts again. I've already called the ambulance for one of her suicide attempts, I don't want to be put in that position again. Damn you, Janet!!
