Tired!

I'm happy to report that the goo gone and greased lightning worked on the bathroom floor. It now shines like the top of the Chrysler building. A handyman is coming tomorrow to make both bathrooms fully functional again. Here's hoping!

My first medical ID bracelet

I accidentally went to seanie.blogspot.com and found a blog that hadn't been updated since 2003. And the second to last post was simply: Hellllooooo.
Huh, sounds very familiar. Must be in the Seanie.
I originally shut my computer down and turned off the internet. Yes, we are one of the few households that turn off our wireless when no one is using it. I realized that I hadn't updated my blog and explained to Amy my plan for updating everyday. She agrees that I'll probably have more to say once I get used to writing more. It's not that I don't have anything to say - my head is filled with things! It's just getting them down that's the problem. I do a lot of thinking when I'm in the shower, but by the time I get out and get dressed I'm too tired... or end up in lupus fog land and remember nothing.
Having my last seizure in a public place when I was by myself hit me hard. I had my first seizure at home when Amy was there to call 911. (Granted, it was the first one and she thought I was dying. My first words after snapping out of it was to ask for clothes. Get your mind out of the gutter, I was hot before I laid down.)
The second one happened while preparing for a Halloween party in Allston. Luckily there were many people around, including my friend Mark who was sitting next to me at the time. It affected him more than I'll ever know. A few weeks ago I opted to stay in the car when everyone else went in Dunks to get coffee. A few minutes later he came out to the car and sat and talked with me while we waited for the others. I would do the same thing if I watched my friend have a seizure and he was all alone somewhere.
The third one is my favorite by far. I was alone in bed. Amy called and I answered sounding dazed. Then I explained I thought I had a seizure. We could tell by the bite marks from where I chomped down on my tongue. I was also very tired. No need to call the EMTs. (Which is why it was my favorite. No drama!)
The good part about number 4 is that I don't remember it. I remember the EMTs asking me questions in the ambulance that I of course didn't know. Hard ones such as, what is your last name? They got my wallet out while I was still out of it so they knew I lived in Lowell. (Or I could have handed it to them while hopping around like a bunny. I wouldn't remember if I did.) My guess is they ran my name at both hospitals because they brought me to the one with my files.
The point of this is, I finally broke down (emotionally) and got a medical ID bracelet. My mother has been bugging me to get one since the first time it happened. I had to get a petite sized one because I have a small wrist. The best part is they assume anyone identifying themselves as a man wouldn't have wrists this small, so I had to say the bracelet was for a boy. My options were boy, woman, girl.
It came in the mail yesterday and I do feel better having one, even though I joke that it's like having a dog collar.

Today is the day

Today is the day I start blogging everyday. I'm determined to get into a routine. Some days will chronicle more. Others may be a sentence or two. I'll start my goal at one month. If I am ever in a situation where I don't have access to a computer for 24 hours...well, let's hope my phone can access this site.

Oh, hey month I let pass by, what's up?

I said I was going to update more often, didn't I?
Hmm. I'll have to work on that.

I had my 4th seizure in 15 months on Wednesday. The irony is I was headed into Boston for a last minute doctor's appointment. My back and hip had been bothering me. My doctor was out of the office so I was scheduled to see someone else in his office.

I was on the Lowell/Boston train drinking an iced coffee and listening to my ipod. I remember finishing the coffee and (maybe?) leaning against the side after passing the North Billerica stop. The next thing I remember, I'm completely strapped into an ambulance. I can hear the sirens but it takes me awhile to place everything. I'm always amazed at how calm I am when I don't know anything. They always ask the simplest questions, ones I know I should know but I don't at that moment.
I even said I lived at the address of our old apartment!!
When I was still out they checked my wallet for my address I ended up at Saints Medical in Lowell. As soon as I was feeling a little more myself I texted Amy and her co-worker so she would know what happened. She got to the hospital quickly. The doctor raised the dose of my seizure meds and off I went - with a nice gash on my face most likely caused by my nails, and bumps and bruises.

We like to party, we like, we like to party!

Saturday night our friend Dan and his two brothers hosted a party. It was a house warming for Randy, Dan's boyfriend, who recently moved in with him. Or, that's how it was on paper. In actuality it was a crazy house party complete with an ice luge, bon fire, and kickin' tunes.

You may be asking: Ice luge? WTH is an ice luge? That's okay, friend. I didn't know, either. If you have experienced one of these marvels of the modern world, ignore the following link. How to Make an Party Ice Luge

It took Dan, his brothers, and Randy to carry it to and from the car. They were estimating it was 100+ lbs of ice. At one point I was lifting it and someone else would pour the shop down the luge to the waiting person at the other end. The three shots available were: Redheaded Slut, Purple Hooters, and 2000 Flushes. The next day we heard one person threw up in the car on the way home. It's okay, his wife was driving.

The last party we had I drank a little too much, ended up on video dancing (that went viral in at least one friends office), thought I was alright enough to take my handful of night pills, and threw up in various locations.

This time I drank a few smaller cups of the house punch that tasted like a Shirley Temple with a kick, 3 beers, and I did the ice luge twice... well, to the best of my knowledge. However this time I was drinking water between drinking alcohol. I went through at least 3 poland spring bottles. At one point my friend Mark told me to stop drinking water because it would increase the amount of times I would be running to the bathroom. He was right, but my water plan was successful. While everyone else had the spins and were passed out on the floor, I was able to text a friend to make sure she got home safe, take my night pills without fear of a reaction, and wake up unscathed from a hangover. But I did use the bathroom probably 6 or 7 times during the night in which I had to slide off the couch, avoid knocking over a lamp, find the wall for balance and placement, negotiate foot placement as not to crush Jessica's head, and when I was done do it all in reverse.

I did have a dream that is worth noting. Since I was a child if I'm sleeping when I have to sue the bathroom I usually dream of looking for a bathroom and either not finding one or finding one but without a toilet. When I was younger I would find the toilet and when I woke up my bed was wet. One of my most vivid memories of being 3 years old! This time I was looking for the bathroom and whenever I found a sign it led me to an empty office. At some point I realized I was late for an audition. When I got there someone tossed me my trumpet case that I had in middle school and I waited in line for the audition. When it was my turn something happened. I probably started looking for the bathroom again. When I woke up the sheet music in my dream was stuck in my head - it was the third movement of the Hummel trumpet concerto, the one I never mastered 9 years ago. It's funny how these things find ways to pop up.

It is true what you have heard

I'm back!

I know I've said it before, maybe even with conviction, but this time it's the truth.
To my small but mighty group of followers, I thank you for bearing with me and coming back time and again.


To those who are new, WELCOME!


Before we move forward there is a disclaimer:
I'm a transexual. *gasp*


That's right, folks. You've heard it here LIVE. I was born and raised female and began the road to transition 4 years ago. If this offends you I advise you to stop reading. The earlier posts are all about the transition process with doses of comedy and tragedy thrown into the pot.

I'm not offended by questions and I will answer them to the best of my ability.
Now that we've gotten that out of the way - to the Blogmobile! ...err... apparently that is already taken.

Anyway.

I haven't come up with a MASTERPLAN *insert diabolical laugh* as of this post, but I hope to in the near future.


The Blogosphere, as it is called, has erupted in the past 10 years. There are blogs about everything and everyone. I'm surprised my cats don't have blogs.

What will make this blog different then all the other ones out there? It's about me! My life, my journey, and experiences I see through my eyes.

I invite you to come with me on this journey and to experience my life as only I can. Well, as a visitor. Because only I can see what I see as me.

May flowers

Currently it is 52 degrees, windy with clouds. My May flowers do not like this much. I had to take them in a few nights ago because we were under a frost advisory. My mother bought us the Sensational Strawberry something Bag which is a fancy name for a Topsy Turvy rip-off. I'm having serious doubts about harvesting happy, healthy strawberries. When the weather is nicer I will try and pack the soil in a little tighter. Instead of being a pessimist I at least need to be able to say I tried my best to the lady when she is crestfallen about the lack of fresh strawberries on the porch.

I went to the doctors on Monday. It's exciting that there is nothing new to say. Lupus seems to be laying low, my back isn't bothering me as much (which is great, because it's been nearly a year since the fracture), I'm transferring my neurologist to BIDMCs epilepsy clinic so all my doctors will be in one system and be able to communicate freely. My doctor is also looking into guidelines for medication I may need for the dentist due to my heart murmur. According to a rash I got when I was little when I happened to be on amoxicillan, I am "allergic" to it and will need something else. My teeth are in bad shape and it's making me nervous. I think it's also all the talk about how dental health has a huge impact on your overall health. I don't want my dental problems to play any part in my ill health. That would make me feel dumb. My major concern is a tooth that is basically missing one complete side. I'm afraid it might have to be removed. I also stopped going to the dentist before my wisdom teeth were checked out. I'm assuming they are impacted. The overall state of my mouth is not well, although I do brush twice a day. I fear, however, it is too little too late.

We had a conversation about my ADHD and if I started taking the meds again. It was thought by the neurologist that the adderell might have had a part in my seizure activity. My doctor scoffed at that but erred on the side of caution. With his blessing I started taking it again and haven't had any seizures. That's great. We also discussed how I spend my day. He asked me if I was isolated, and I explained that I didn't go out much and I enjoyed spending time alone. He agreed that if I'm okay with it then it's fine. I have no problem hanging out with others and having a good time. But with my health it's hard to tell if I'll feel up to going out, so it's almost impossible to make plans. This does sometimes make me a little awkward in groups. I hope I don't become that socially awkward guy that people gravitate away from!

My ADHD medication makes me feel motivated. It's hard to explain, but it's a driving force deep inside of me. I can feel it mostly in my throat because it's very much like the pang a smoker gets when they are craving a cigarette. Which explains why I smoked so much in college. Now that I don't smoke I have to be careful because if I allow it I am driven to do everything I can for hours on end. One day I cleaned the entire house. But then I am exhausted and am useless for the next day or so. I'm making a commitment to myself to find a healthy way of stabilizing a schedule so I feel accomplished but aren't completely diminished.

I have no idea if any of this makes sense. Be well, all!