I'm in the mood for a good day

Hi my legion of insanely patient fans! I'm in a grrrrreat mood, so I thought I'd update!

Today I had jury duty. It was in interesting experience. I got to see the jury paneling procedure for a civil and juvenile case. Other than that, we sat in the jury pool room from 8am to 1pm. And then they let us go, which was excellent because we were all told we'd be there until at least 4pm. I then stopped at the NEW SUBWAY in downtown Worcester (it could be years old for all I know, I never go downtown anymore.) I took the bus back to my mother's house, and walked the rest of the way in the snow. Yes, the snow. Then I proceeded to dance around the house to a Madonna dance mix in my underwear. No, she wasn't home. Thanks for asking, though.

It's very rare that I'm visiting my mother in Worcester and I'm in a good mood. It's probably because she's working her part time (and currently only) job right now.

And here's the part where I ask for money. I'm doing the Revlon 5k Run/Walk in NYC on May 2nd and I'm looking to raise a little bit of money. Last year I did the AIDS walk and I felt like a schmuck for not raising anything. I'm not asking for much. Literally, I'd be happy with a dollar. That would at least make me feel like I raised SOMETHING! All the money raised goes towards funding organizations working on research and education for the eradication of cancer. Yes, I said eradication. You know I mean business.
Here is the link to sponsor me.
While you're there you can also read more information! FAQs are always helpful!

Thank you :)

Ooh pretty

Dear Loyal Reader:

I got sick of looking at the same layout. So I changed it. Be sure to vote in the poll on the right.

Hopefully this will prompt me to update more often.

(Hey, stranger things have happened!

- The Management

The Bachelor and Me

So how about that Bachelor season finale? Now, I don't watch the Bachelor - Never have, never will. But I got sucked into the finale and After the Final Rose (Part 1 and 2, of course.) I think it's funny that reality tv parading around as "true life" has gotten people so up in arms. First of all, the guy picked the wrong girl. Why he did that, I have no idea. He was so upset when Molly was taken away in the limo. Secondly, according to Jason (who is now not a credible source) Melissa and he were not a couple going into After the Final Rose (Part 1) and she was being overly dramatic and acting like she had no idea.

From a male perspective, Melissa knew exactly what to say to get everyone in America with large amounts of estrogen pissed off. The only ones that aren't are the ones that see through this facade. Or, my favorite viewer quote, "The biggest vat of Velvetta I've ever seen."

I wish Molly and Jason the best of luck and hope, for her sake, he doesn't decide to "follow his heart" into the arms of DeAnna. Wouldn't that sell papers.

I've been on a life journey for the past couple months. It's more of a non-denominational spiritual journey. I've gotten into guided meditations and I believe it's helping my health. A few weeks ago I went to the doctors for my 3 month check-up and my blood pressure was through the roof. The next day I had another appointment with a different doctor who was alerted by doctor #1 of my off the charts BP. After all is said and done, I'm fine. My lupus is currently inactive and most of my labs are coming out normal. I've been dangerously sick now for over a year, so do I think following a spiritual path and daily meditations are helping? You bet your ass I do. It would be the same thing if I started a strict vegetarian diet and my condition improved. (I like bacon too much. Sorry.)

Religion and spirituality is something that people have a hard time conversing about - even if it's about the religion they subscribe to. Everyone has a different perspective and not many people are willing to bend. Which is why, for now, I've chosen not to say much about it and just continue doing what is working. If you're interested I'd be happy to talk about it in a less public arena.

Every time people ask what I do all day, I usually say something along the lines of "nothing," usually paired with a half smile and a shrug. This isn't the case. I do something that has the potential to be profitable. What is it? You're gonna laugh. I enter contests. Yes, the same type of contests you read about in the coupon section or hear about on television. The difference is I enter probably about 300 contests a day. There are different categories: Some contests you can only enter once. Some you can enter daily. Other you can enter daily and they are instant win games, meaning you know right away if you have won something. And yes, I have won some things. My biggest win was a Jenna Jameson signed skate deck that I sold on ebay for $117. Other small things such as free food from kraft, free salsa, and free mp3 downloads come in handy when your income is comprised of food stamps.

The contest community is a funny one. They are very supportive of each other and constantly post new contests. Most people would think that you should keep a contest to yourself so no one else can enter. But that's not what the definition of a community is. These people support one another, answering questions and quick to help out if someone has been promised a prize but never received it. They are also good at what they do and if there is a skill to contesting they have figured it out. But the majority of the time it's really dumb luck.

I figure it's better to win something then buy it!

Scratchy

Last week I decided to carry out a little experiment. I shaved my facial hair and let it grow for one week. I must say, it grew a lot. These pictures don't do it justice. I'm glad my experiment is over because it itches. Badly ;P
I apologize for the bad lighting. I was under a window and far too comfortable to move.
Huh. My eyes kind of look grey/blue in the last picture.

I had a really weird dream last night. I dreamt I went camping. And I kept on getting up to put the tarp on top of the tent because it was supposed to rain. But whenever I went outside there were these bright red frogs that I was scared to go near. And for some reason if the frog got in the tent it would stay forever and make bad things happen. So I never put the tarp up. I don't think it ever rained ;P

I went to CVS this morning to pick up my prescriptions and figured I should pick up a Valentine's Day card, it being the 12 of February and all ;P As I was looking through the god awful array of Hallmark greetings, I noticed one man to my right and one directly behind me. All doing the same thing: Almost-not-quite last minute shopping. I also noted one of the same men searching through the V-Day aisle for that perfect something. (He was looking at the giant chocolate hearts. NEVER go for the giant chocolate heart unless it's high end and will cost more than a nice bouquet of roses. And never let on that you were in CVS the Thursday before. If anyone asks you got the chocolates as soon as they unloaded the boxes.)

I'm currently reading The Story of Edgar Sawtelle by David Wroblewski. My reason for reading this was because it was on Oprah's book list. I requested it from the library and waiting quite sometime. I think I was #400+ in line. And the reason I'm reading it right now is because it's due the 17th and I can't renew it.

The orange "trigger" was broken off of the spray bottle of shout the last time I did laundry in Worcester. So now every time there is a stain on an item of clothing the person must unscrew the top and gently pour shout everywhere. It's either that or jab something into the space where the trigger used to be. When I got soup all over my sweatpants I opted with the first option, mostly because me jabbing anything usually ends up in more pain. And blood. Which would lead to more shout. You see my point.

My cat is a little slow. You may think I'm being mean, but he really is. Most cats understand a firm "NO." They also know enough not to jump on table tops and counters. Not Porkchop. He thinks the kitchen table is a perfect place for a cat nap and the counter is where all cats go to hang out. Time and time again I say no, I bang things, I pick him up and move him. Only to find him back on the table, happy. He'll be 2 in April so I hope wisdom really does come with age.

My bad, I neglected January

After a debacle involving a sick computer and verizon, I am once again wireless! Hooray! I visited my rheumotologist last week and he diagnosed me with an upper respiratory infection ;P Excellent. So I took antibiotics for three days and was told to hold one of my other meds for 10 days. He also gave me some stretches to do to ease my daily muscle and joint pain.

I finally went to the eye doctor after 5+ years of neglecting my vision. My lenses have also been held together with a replacement screw since I was still in college...and considering I graduated in 2006... Yeah, it was time for new glasses. I didn't actually realize how much I couldn't see until I put on the new glasses. I can read the small print on the tv again! Hooray!

I also hired a lawyer to handle my social security disability claim after they denied me for the second time. The lawyer explained to me that mostly everyone gets denied because the social security office gets money from the government every time they deny someone. He said one time he wheeled a man into the courtroom hooked up to oxygen and the judge shook his head and dismissed the case because obviously this man was disabled. That made me feel better.

I found the best news ever yesterday. Mass. RMV changes gender change procedure
I'm extremely excited for the chance to change the gender marker on my ID. I've never had a problem using it and I've never been questioned about it, but it will give me piece of mind. Especially if I can get a new picture taken. ;P

I might try and update my blog more often now that I have home internet, but I've promised this before to no avail. And I wouldn't want to get anyones hopes up ;)

Oh christian day of presents... how I loathe thee

And I'll tell you why Christmas is not one of my better holidays.
I haven't figured out a way to avoid going to my mother's for Christmas and every other mandatory holiday. I don't enjoy being here for many reasons. My most grating is that she and the majority of her friends still refer to me in female pronouns. Annoying. Another good reason to hate Christmas is the Dollar Store. Instead of saving her money to get something good or, better yet, saving her money so she's not always taking from her retirement fund (considering she has no life insurance) Christmas is a holiday in which my mother buys everything for everyone at the dollar store. People she barely knows to her near and dear have a merry dollar store xmas. Now most of the things shes buys are thoughtful gifts. But I really didn't need a penguin hand warmer, or a pack of pirate stationary. (By stationary I mean a small package containing maybe 3 stickers, a pencil, and pirate erasers.)
I know, wah wah wah poor baby some people don't get anything for Christmas. Yes, and I wish I was one of them. Christmas at my mother's house is the most depressing time of the year for me. I'm constantly anxious and lonely which leads to massive amounts of drinking and drunk conversations I don't remember or wish I didn't.
Tuesday night we got a surprise phone call. Apparently during the power outage/ice storm my mother was feeling mushy and sent a xmas card to her ex mother-in-law (read: my estranged grandmother.) So my mother picks up the phone and starts talking to her. I was shaking my head back and forth so fast I'm surprised i didn't cramp. Not wanting to be around for the convo, I took one of the longest showers of my life. And my mother didn't even tell the woman that I'm not a grand'daughter' anymore. Then again, her own daughter i living with a woman and she thinks they are literally just sharing a house. So maybe grandma's not ready ;P
This Christmas Eve my mother invited everyone she ran into during the holiday season to our house. She ran around all day cooking and cleaning and running herself ragged. Who shows up? Her friend Karen and her 13 yr old son, Zeth, because we get together EVERY xmas eve. And then David, her crazy alcoholic boy toy. More on him later. So basically Zeth and I watched the oddest xmas movie ever (The Flight Before Xmas) while our mother's were in the basement smoking pot. I was trying desperately to get drunk off of 30 proof eggnog but eventually gave up.
Christmas Day isn't much better. My mother still makes the same fuss about xmas as she did when I was little. She prides herself on the amount of presents under the tree for me. Do tissues really need to be wrapped? She even wraps up presents for her cats, which sadly are too old to play with the toys she buys them. I brought my cat home for the holidays and he has provided some entertainment. Especially when, on xmas eve, he jumped on the dining room table which was already set for xmas dinner. Luckily he didn't do too much damage.
My grandfather is the only member of the family we talk to since my grandmother died 3 years ago. I had a good time with him, probably because I made up in my mind to go one for one with him on beer. My grandfather can hold his liquor better than a 4th year frat boy. I shortly moved on to champagne...and the bottle was soon gone. I watched the celtics/lakers game. One of my mother's friend's daughter, Michelle, came over later and started drinking with me. I was very vocal by the end of the game. Now, after running around for two days to entertain the masses, you'll notice in this story that NOBODY.SHOWED.UP. My mother doesn't realize that everyone usually has obligations on xmas. It's the only reason I was there. Obligation. So on xmas my mother fell asleep on the couch at 7:30. Michelle and I continue to drink and talk, we move on to cheap vodka, it's now like 11 o clock... and my mother wakes up. She heard us talking about the fact that both our parents have substance abuse problems and surround themselves with losers, but luckily she was groggy and didn't catch most of it. Around 1 she drove Michelle home...and around here the night gets foggy. i know I talked to Angela online but I don't know about what, and I called one friend 13 times when she didn't pick up. ( Because she already passed out from her own night of drinking.) And I sent some pretty embarrassing texts. The day after xmas I was hungover until about 3 in the afternoon, and my mother didn't even notice.

I'm packing up all my stuff tonight so we can leave for home in the morning. I actually have no reason for getting there so early, I just don't want to feel this way anymore. Someday I'll figure out a better way of coping with the holiday mess ;P

Last night she went out to the neighborhood bar and her boy toy David met her there. He only uses her for sex, pot, and food. She's fught with him like 9 times and always says "This is it." Last night I guess he said he just wanted to be friends but still get everything she gives him. She left the club at 1 and thought he was right behind her. She then said, I'll give him an hour. He shows up at the house at 4am. So I'm in my bedroom wondering if I should get dressed and/or call the cops as they yell at each other through the window. He said he wanted his "beer" which was in the fridge. The guy dordn't drink beer. He drinks smirnoff ice. She said later if she had brought it to him she either would have cut his face with it or thrown it through the window of his mother's car.

Yes, i also don't get a whole lot of sleep when I'm here.

And that, boys and girls, is the reason I don't live with my mother. I'd kill myself, or develop a nice drinking problem in the process.

As told from my paper

Another one of my famous meandering posts.

11/19/08
So here it is, the coldest night of the year and I'm wandering around Boston with a full bladder and a vague idea of where I am and absolutely no idea where I'm going.
Saved by the golden arches and their for customers only bathroom. I also thank them for their pen which still has the metal ball chain on it. Not very secure. They should get a refund from staples.
The only thing saving me from being labeled homeless is the library copy of The Fellowship of the Ring shoved in my back pocket.
Am I really the only one noticing two kids making out in the middle of McDonalds? Right in the middle of their friends. And the guys pants are so low that half his underwear is hanging out. Yes, you can see crack. Really now, what's the point in wearing a belt in the first place? I'd also be afraid that if I was heavily making out with someone and my underwear is hanging out - well, it's only a matter of time before something else is hanging low. Maybe that's why her binder is laying across both their laps.
I think about these things. The things that take up time in your head when you're walking down the street and things you've forgotten by the time you reach your destination. Inconsequential things that don't matter and have no effect on my life. Yet I think about them and let them take my time away.
Seriously, if I wanted my jeans around my knees I'd wear shorts.
It's 25 degrees out with a God knows what wind chill and I'm thinking about ice cream. About how good ice cream will taste until I walk outside and the cold air slaps me silly. And then I'll regret my decision of ice cream. But only for a moment because I can still taste the vanilla and chocolate. And then I really will when I burp. And I'll laugh to myself because despite the frigid wind, ice cream was the way to go.
The silver chain swings from the end of my stolen pen.
It must have looked pleasant when I yanked the book out from my back pocket. I think I may have grunted. My inner thighs are hurting from my jeans rubbing against cold skin. I saw a guy jogging in a muscle tee and shorts and I promptly exclaimed, "GOD!" to nobody.
I think being cold is something that comes with age. I remember being warm enough in jeans and a hooded sweatshirt during a snowstorm. And I see teenagers now who seem to share that sentiment. I would scoff at the idea of wearing a hat, gloves, and never ever a scarf. Now I'm dressed in four layers plus a jacket, my UPS baseball cap, and a winter hat that ties under the chin. And unlike every other day, it's tied and I'm huddled into myself much like a pissed off turtle. And who passes me but a Boston college student in a light jacket that isn't even zipped up all the way, moseying down the street like it's the middle of April. Put on a damn hat, moron!
It's nice and warm in the hotel lobby. The best thing about this stolen pen is it's built in amusement. When I pause in my writing I stare off into space and make the chain twirl around and hit the pen. I'm wondering what brings all these people to this Boston hotel on a Wednesday night. Well, except for the staff. I think I know why they are here. Swing swing swing thwap thwap thwap.


Oh, and PS - I never got the ice cream.