Holler at the blog world

August has been quite the crazy month! The second week of August this dude could have spotted at numerous destinations. I got my science on at the Museum of Science in Boston and rocked out to the 80's laser show. Apparently it's a little hard on the brain if you don't have ADHD. I thought it was quite relaxing. Spent the day at Clark's Trading Post in Lincoln, NH. Who doesn't love a trained bear show, water blaster boats, and assorted other family-funness?
That night it was off to the drive-in for a comedy double feature: Pineapple Express and Step Brothers. Pineapple Express was much better than expected, while Step Brothers fell at the other end of the spectrum. I think I was the only one who stayed awake.

I received a nice fuck you letter from social security. I expected it, but it still sucks. I sent in my appeal information but I am sick of waiting around for the government to deem me disabled. I'm actively job searching and am excited about finally getting out of the house and doing something productive. The best advice I've gotten so far is to let everyone know I am job searching. I'm looking for an administrative assistant/program coordinator/ event planner type position. I', leaning towards higher ed but at this point I'm not too picky. It does have to be full time and I'm searching mostly in the Boston area. So if anyone has any leads, PLEASE let me know :)

I've loved watching the Olympics since I was young. I especially enjoyed watching this year in Beijing. (To clarify, I was not in Beijing. The Olympics were.) However, I may have watched a little too much. The other night I had a dream I was dating Michael Phelps. C'mon Vancouver 2010!!

I'm continuing to turn into a hairy beast. I'm growing a sort of goatee. I say sort of because only the lower part of my chin seems to be growing hair. It doesn't look bad and I'm probably explaining it badly. If I wanted to keep the freshly shaven look I would have to shave daily, versus a few months ago when I could go a few weeks. Oh that crazy testosterone!

I got sucked into Daniel Silva's Gabriel Allon series. Unfortunately I didn't read any of them in order. The good news is that he just came out with a new one. Hooray! Who would have thought I would get sucked into international counterintelligence assassin novels?

I fired my therapist yesterday. Well, not really. But I told her that I didn't see the point in coming in anymore. She agreed with me. The real reason is that I'm sick of paying almost $20 every two weeks to go into Boston and tell her stories that I could tell anyone. I never got any real feedback and she never pushed me on any subject. Never tried to dig deeper or extract any real problems. I'm okay with that. I'm more put together now than I was even six months ago. I have a basic game plan and I'm ready to move. I'm also spurred on by the $63 in my savings account.

I enjoy taking advantage of the free wifi at the library. I do better in an "academic" setting as far as getting paperwork and other work accomplished. ADHD adults crave structure yet most of them have trouble maintaining it. I made a list of all the things I wanted to get done today and have it next to me so I can't forget. One of the things on my to-do list is to make an eye appointment. I've had the same glasses for at least 5 years and other than the fact they are disgusting and falling apart, I know my prescription has changed. My insurance covers one eye appointment every year and free glasses. I'm pretty excited about that. Once I can see again I'm getting my driver's permit. Yes, you heard me correctly. For the third time, this kid is getting his permit. I guess technically this will be Sean's first permit... ;)

This past weekend I went to the cape with my mother. I don't if it's because I'm getting older, the testosterone, or if it's just her, but I can barely stand her. Let me clarify.
My mother was diagnosed with bipolar disorder ten years ago. She was on medication for maybe a year and took herself off because it would knock her out and she kept being late for work. Yes, took herself off instead of calling the doctor and asking him to adjust it. She smokes marijuana and since she quit smoking cigarettes two years ago, she smokes more weed. I counted at least 5 times in one day. I'm also wondering if she has an undiagnosed personality disorder. She has one full time job making $15 an hour, a part time job and a job working security on and off. She doesn't have a savings account and lives paycheck to paycheck. She doesn't pay a mortgage because she inherited her house and it was long paid off. I think she pays $600 a year in taxes. Now I know you're asking yourself, where is the money going? No, not the marijuana. Well at least not all of it. No, she buys random "gifts" for friends, acquaintances, etc. She also goes out clubbing (yes, clubbing) and I'm beginning to think she's developed a drinking problem. Her mood swings are pretty dramatic and she tends to place the blame on everyone but herself. My favorite quote regarding this is once in highway traffic she said, "Either all these cars can't drive or it's me!" And the best part is that she didn't think it was her at all. She's also a very unsafe driver and drives under the influence. And she can't follow directions. We get lost every year in the same place on the cape. I try to help her out but she usually goes her own way anyway. God forbid I make an educated guess and am wrong, then I get all the blame.

I saved the best story for last. Wednesday night my mother picked me up and we went to her house. She told me she was fighting with one of her friends because this friend said she heard somewhere that the man my mother is sleeping with was arrested. So I immediately hop online and google the guys name and the telegram and gazette, which is the local paper. Sure enough, this guy was arrested the first week of august for prostitution. Yes, prostitution. Anyone else would be like, okay you're gone. First of all you don't tell me you get arrested and secondly it's for selling your body on the street. And let's be honest; women don't pay for sex. He must be a gay prostitute. Not my mother. She tells me that I don't understand, they get along very well and have a good connection. And he's cute. I don't care if he's Jesus!! Or Brad Pitt!! I also explained to her that people who sell themselves on a street corner are doing it for a reason, usually drugs. She didn't really seem to care. He called the last day we were at the cape and she acted like nothing was wrong on the phone. I told her I would have told him to fuck off and if he asked why I'd say you know why and hang up. Maybe I'm passive aggressive like that or maybe I'm afraid I might hit him.

I had a dream that I told my mother I refused to let her be a part of my life unless she got help. The problem is that she doesn't think she needs help and she'll just be angry. The whole time we were away she kept saying this is relaxing. I wanted to scream at her, no, this isn't relaxing. I feel like I'm spending time with a crazed 16 year old who just got her license and wants to party all the time. I feel like a parent who doesn't approve of his daughter's choice in men. Unfortunately she's 48 and I have no control over what she does. But I'm afraid if I cut myself off from her she'll got nuts again. I've already called the ambulance for one of her suicide attempts, I don't want to be put in that position again. Damn you, Janet!!

Ramblings

I accidentally started watching Last Comic Standing last week. This week I found myself voting. That's not as bad as when I accidentally started watching baby borrowers. And watching the ENTIRE series.

Today I took the bus to wal-mart for vacuum bags. Yes, you heard me correctly. Yesterday I checked at walgreens, market basket, and cvs but no vacuum bags. Last week I brought a couch down from the third floor. I had to take half of it apart and it took me 2 hours. Other than being an extremely physical ordeal, I think it went well. I made it out with only a small scratch on my finger. However, it left quite a lot of debris on the stairs. When I went to use the vacuum attachment all this crap started coming out of it. So I checked the bag....which had never been changed. The vacuum is two years old. My bad.

So I went to wal-mart and was overjoyed when they had the correct bags. I also got a can of spaggetios, a can of tomato soup, a can of cat food (for the cat, not me), and a composition notebook because a) I heart composition notebooks and b) it was only 50 cents. Score.

I came home and vacuumed (after trying to figure out how the bag went in) and shampooed the rug. I'm still not convinced I'm using the machine correctly, but at least the rug is cleaner than it was. After it dries I can move all the furniture back. I'm not a fan of having a couch in the kitchen, although the cat likes sleeping on the TV stand in the kitchen.

I think my allergies have finally started to bother me. The large amount of prednisone kept my symptoms at bay all summer, but now I'm down to 5 mg. I've been getting bad sinus-like headaches and I couldn't find the advil, so I popped one of my final oxy pills. My headache has gone away and I'm feeling pretty good. I'm also hoping I can get some sleep tonight. I was given pills for sleeping but they haven't been working well. I'll fianlly fall asleep early in the morning nad not wake up until noon. And I'll be groggy for quite sometime. I've gotten the nickname "Droopy." I'll give it another week and then call the doctor.

July and it's update

Here it is as promised. One (1) blog update! I'm at my mom's house for the weekend. Yesterday she took the day off and we stained part of the deck. The illegal-no-permit deck she's had for 4 years without treating it with primer or stain. A lot of the wood is splitting, and when I brought this up to her (how you can't leave wood untreated for this long,) she told me she thought the wood was splintering from the high powered wash it was given. The whole structure is rickety. If I knew more about wood structures I'd estimate when it will collapse. While staining I started drinking 1 pint of Smirnoff Ice Strawberry. To offset this (so i thought) I was also drinking water. After awhile it's too hot so I head inside. I finish the drink and have a mikes hard cran-lemonade. Also constantly drinking water. Now I'm not sure if it was the alcohol or the sun or both, but i woke up in the middle of the night with a piercing headache, my face as burning, and I was cold. Drank some water, went back to sleep. In the morning I was fine. Odd.

I just washed my binder and hung it outside to dry. Considering it's the only one I brought with me I'm hoping it dries quickly.

I got my haircut Thursday night. I think it looks good. Unfortunately my sideburns also got chopped off. I'm sure they will grow back....eventually.

June 29th I was one year on T. It's almost like a birthday in that I didn't feel any different. It was just like any other Sunday. I'm happy with the results of the T. I keep getting hairier. The funny part is I have one giant black hair on my arm. Just one. I think it's a precursor of what is to come. My acne is getting much better. I'm only on 5 mg of prednisone (I started at 80mg.)

My doctor mentioned that the only health-related obstacle I could have re:chest surgery would be the prednisone. So once I'm off it and have $5,000, I'll go for it ;P

I went for my disability screening re:adhd. The gentleman was very nice and told me I should hear in 2 to 3 weeks.

On July 1st I had my last dose of cyclophosphamide. YAHOO!! I have a doctors appointment next week in which I believe they are going to start me on Cellcept. Last week my doctor called to tell me my white blood cells were low. We'll see if that is better.

I've been keeping myself busy. Last weekend I visited Abbie and Elisa in NYC. We went bird watching and even ate at a vegetarian fast food restaurant. My thoughts exactly. We met up with Eric and had a grand ole time catching up with a few beers on his roof in Manhattan. I must say I was sad to leave, but I hope to visit again soon.

Tomorrow is Conor's baptism, hooray! Almost 3 months old and I haven't met him yet so I'm extra excited. I'm taking the train from Worcester in the morning so I'm packing my baptism duds to change later. I mentioned wearing shorts but was shot a death look. Pants it is! I'm going to do my best to be less awkward than the christmas party. I'm getting used to walking into places by myself, not having someone to hide behind. Plus I find that the deeper I get into my transition the more confident I'm becoming.

This month I recommend The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch and Diary by Chuck Palahniuk. Both of them I couldn't put down. The Last Lecture made me tear up more than once.

For music I recommend Viva la Vida or Death and all His Friends by Coldplay. As a new Coldplay convert, I'm now racing to catch up with their old stuff.

Comments are always appreciated. Suggestions are always processed. Chocolate is always eaten.

Consider this a promise ring

The bad blogger hath returneth. I will be visiting my mother in Worcester this weekend. I will have plenty of time to cliff note the past month. Yes, that means I'm promising an update in the next few days. Tar and feather me if I'm lying.

Holy one month later, batman

I am an AWFUL blogger. I apologize to my legions of fans (if there are any of you still out there!) Within the past month I've noticed an insane amount of body hair growth, especially notable on my legs and thighs. I've been told my back is also getting pretty hairy, however my neck doesn't quite stretch that far back so I am unable to confirm at this time.

I changed the voicemail on my phone because I was told my voice was much deeper than the previous message. I was also told by a friend with whom I hadn't spoken in a while that they thought they had the wrong number when first hearing my voicemail. And that was before I changed it.

I went to the casino a few weeks back. It was the first time I've been to any gambling establishment and wasn't carded. That's correct. Not once did they ask to see my ID. Boo yeah.

I didn't go to pride this year because I had no one to go with ;P And after the debacle of going to pride alone last year, I skipped it. But I did read House of Sand and Fog, which kicked ass.

I've never been into fantasy/science fiction novels. At the end of the senior year in high school I picked up a book by George R.R. Martin called A Game of Thrones. I was unaware at the time that this was the first in a series called the Song of Ice and Fire. Slowly I read through the second and third books, thinking I was done. Oh no, I found out there was a fourth. I just completed the fourth book and the last page tells me there is another one. Now, I have been reading this series for seven years and need to have some closure! Last night I checked his website and found out that not only is the 5th book not completed (it's slated for the end of the year, hopefully) there are two, that's right, TWO books AFTER THAT!! As a friend of mine who is also reading this series stated, the author is an older gentlemen, what happens if he dies before the last two books are written?? That, my friends, would be a sad, sad day. Oh yeah, and it doesn't help that all the books are over 500 pages.

At the end of this month I celebrate my one year testosteroneiversary. The longer I am on it I find it is more difficult to see changes. Others are more likely to see them because I've just gotten used to it. For example, my mother noticed that my shoulders are becoming broader. My neck is also thicker and I've got a bigger head. Which is lucky because all my hats were too big to begin with. The neck thing became a problem when it took me almost 20 minutes to button the top button of my dress shirt without injuring myself. I haven't encountered any problems with injecting the T in a long time. I make sure that I'm doing it at least 6 inches away from the knee. I think any problems I was having before was that I was trying to inject it not in the thigh and just in the leg.

I'm down to 10 mg of prednisone, hooray! I have an appointment with my rheumotologist on Friday in which he's going to play medication twister per order of the kidney doctor. July 1st is my last dose of cyclophosphamide which is really exciting. I'll be happy to get on a low dose of meds and get on with my life.

I still get tired easily and have to be careful during certain activities. For example, if I spend Friday night drinking like a fish, I should know that I'll be wiped out for the rest of the weekend. And if I do a 6.5 mile benefit walk, consider the next day a wash. And probably the following week as well.

Now that I'm getting closer to a clean bill of health (or as clean as I can possibly get) I look forward to job searching and doing something that I enjoy. I'm still waiting on social security. I have to see a psychologist on July 10th so they can get more information. When I asked why this was, she explained to me that because they don't have anything on me having ADHD on file, they just need to get it documented. She stressed that this can only help me. Here's to hoping.

Well, I'm off to fix the ? key on my keyboard because it fell off. I'll try not to be a stranger.

My oh my (for lack of a better idea)

When I first applied for disability I sent in paperwork to both my loan companies explaining my deferment. Me being me, I submitted my name change to only one company and couldn't remember which one. So I sent all the paperwork under sean. Big shocker, I never heard back from either one. Last week I received a message on my voicemail for Sarah. I checked my account online and sure enough, they didn't get my message. I'm going to use the economic stimulus check I received to pay the money I owe from the deliquent months and send them the name change paperwork. Hopefully then I can get a deferment. The woman called again today and I answered. When she asked for Sarah, I told her she had the wrong number. Upon checking the number with me, I responded, yes, that is the number, but there is no Sarah here.
Perhaps not one of my best moments ;P

When applying for disability it is made clear that some doctors visits/additional tests may be required. I received a notice from them last week stating just that. I applied for disability when my lupus flared and sent me into the hospital. My doctors told me I needed at least 6 months of recovery time with the aggressive treatment. I applied because of a physical disability. Can someone tell me why the disability office set me up for an appointment with a psychologist?? The only things I can come up with is they are just checking on the diagnosis of my GID and ADHD. Unless they just want to prove I'm a crazy tranny trying to screw the system ;P

My last few doctors appointments went well. My last ANA test came back negative which means the lupus is inactive. It looks like the treatment has successfully wiped it out for now. The Nephrologist doesn't see a point in repeating the kidney biopsy at this time. My prednisone dosage is continuing to decrease. I won't be surprised if they keep me on a low dosage for minimum another 6 months. A low dose of 10 mg is MUCH better than the 60 I started on in the hospital. I'm hoping to start job searching at the end of the summer. If I get disability I will only be able to work 20 hours or less. If I get denied disability I have to decide whether to appeal the decision or just drop it. One of the reasons I'm not dropping it is because if I get disability I will get retroactive pay from February. Another reason is just because I'm getting better doesn't mean it won't happen again. However I am sick of being sick and the thought of a full time job is happy time.

In other news, I am the proud owner of a wireless internet card and a webcam. (1 <3 ebay) The wireless card is a little finiky and will not pick up networks that are too far away. Like if the wireless is coming from the lobby and I am on the fourth floor, I wont pick it up. I am using it right now so I know it the right conditons it does indeed work. There is something nice about using my own computer again. Tyler (the name of my laptop) and I have been through the ringer. He's been shipped back to the company twice and had his hard drive fall out when I tripped over the wire. This is the first time he's been connected to the internet in almost 2 years. Welcome back to the world wide web, Tyler! Another fun thing about having Ty up and running is all the old pictures I have on him. Whoo!

The webcam is an older model but was recommended and works fine. I participated in my very first video chat. It makes one reconsider surfing the net in one's underwear. I'm exciting to record a video podcast, perhaps to commemorate 12 months on T. I'm sure I won't be able to wait the month and a half to make a video. We will see.

Blog of mini stories

Over the weekend I experienced a funny bathroom incident. After riding in a car for 4 hours and walking through an unfamiliar mall for 15 minutes, I finally find a bathroom. Only problem is, the men's room is out of order for cleaning. Luckily the cleaning lady sees the pain on my face and lets me into the women's room. When exiting I noticed she wasn't letting any lady in until I left. At least this time there really was a man in the woman's room.

I was mowing the lawn and raking up the excess grass. I raked up what appeared to be a worm. Upon further inspection my worm looked a lot like a snake. Yes, I found a baby snake. He was probably about 6 inches long. Smaller than the SECOND one we found. The second one was upset because he got launched across the yard. He coiled up and opened his mouth at me. If I wasn't wearing shorts I would have been bolder, but I was afraid of getting bitten. So I attacked him with weed killer.

About two weeks after I filed my taxes my federal refund check was deposited into my account. Last week my mother texted me to tell me that a tax check came in the mail. Odd. She mailed it to me, and to my surprise it was addressed to Sarah. (The check, not the mail from my mother.) So I signed it over to myself and went to deposit it. The woman told me I couldn't deposit Sarah's tax refund unless she was also on the account. I told her that I changed my name and that was my tax refund. She said Oh and asked for ID. Then she deposited my check and I went on my happy way. When I got home I checked my account online and saw that my stimulus check was deposited. I don't quite understand why the federal government got it right and the state didn't.

I am a coupon warrior. I clip coupons and go through ads to see what's on sale. When it is on sale and I have a coupon, I buy. Glade spray is on sale for 97 cents at CVS and I had a buy 1 get 1 free coupon. However, when I used the coupon the cashier said the total came to 26 cents. I paid and left quickly. When she scanned the coupon it took off the maximum amount stated on the coupon, which was around $1.56. Definiatley the best deal I've gotten so far.