Searching for a new beginning

Sometime back in June (I think) I submitted a letter to the management of UPS to be considered for a part time supervisor position. About three months ago I finally heard back from them in the form of an informal HR session that basically just laid out what we were applying for and how that happened. Then I heard nothing, yet again. Until last Monday, in which my supervisor had me sign all the paperwork so I could take the assessment test. I took the test on Thursday. The test was comprised of some basic math questions (all percentages) questions about prior experience and your personality. It was all multiple choice, although some of the questions left me thinking, "I wouldn't do any of those..." Anyway, it was all pretty straight forward and I couldn't imagine not passing it. I received a letter in the mail yesterday that started with, "Thank you for applying for a management position at UPS. At this time, however, based on our assessment process, there does not appear to be a match between your skills and abilities and UPS's needs." My favorite part of it is, "If you are interested in re-applying for consideration for part-time management positions, the timeframe for re-application is six months from the day of your underqualification."

Yes. That's right. They are telling ME that I am underqualified for a PART TIME supervisor position at UPS. As much as I want to laugh in their faces, I think this is exactly what I needed. I feel floored and ready to (really this time) start searching for a real job. I'm looking for a full time administrative job in a college or university. I miss the university atmosphere and, as weird as this sounds, I miss doing office work. I miss using me brain instead of brawn, I miss conversations with educated people, and I miss being happy at my job.

I'm scared and anxious to begin this hunt but I also know it is good for me to finally understand that I have talents and qualifications that are going to waste. Also, I need the money like woah.

I hung the rejection letter on the wall by my desk. I got the idea from Stephen King. When he was younger and first starting to send out his work, he hung all his rejection letters on a nail. Eventually he had so many he had to replace the nail with a metal spike. If that's what it takes to get me moving, then we'll try it. I mean, really. I'll try almost anything once ;)

Back by popular demand!

Happy Halloween! I have made a pact with myself to avoid getting scared and screaming like a pussy girl.

We all know I have minimal control over that ;P Like the greeter dressed as a witch in wal-mart... *shivers*

I received two demands for an update, and I apologize to those parties for my tardiness.

Part of the reason I haven't updated is that changes are slow. Facial/body hair is still coming in but it's the type of thing that you don't notice it unless you're looking for it. I went to see my mother last night and she made a comment about my facial hair and my voice changing. Nothing bad, just that she noticed it. That's a start. My mustache is now unmistakable and I'm shaving off my chin hairs once a week. (Or should be, I'm slow with that, too!)

I did have one this happen last Thursday that is worth mentioning. Every other Thursday I self inject 200 ml of testosterone into my thigh muscle. The last dose was shot #4 that I have done at home. I got everything ready, stuck the needle and... got a little resistance. Ah well, I thought, and pushed harder. That's when I hit a vein. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, a volcano of blood erupted from my leg. (For once I'm not being dramatic.) I scrambled for paper towels and more band-aids. Luckily after the volcano it didn't bleed much more.

Obviously I pulled the needle out and found another area in which to inject. Un fortunately by this time my muscle is so tense that I have a hard time getting the needle in. After trying in the new spot, I give up, pull the needle out, and switch legs. The third time was a charm and I successfully got my T injected. I have always been afraid that I would hit a vein and not realize it, inject the T and stop my heart. I'm glad I know now that if I hit a vein it's pretty obvious.

I pass 100% of the time now. I think it also helps that my debit card says Sean. I used to hate using it before I changed my name on my bank because the damn debit card gave me away every time. I haven't cried for the entire 4 months I've been on T. I get angry instead. I think if I wasn't such a nice guy I'd be a complete asshole.

I'm opening this up to the rest of the class. Is there something my loyal readers want to hear about? A long monologue about gender, society, mantown, etc? I'm sure there are things that I do on a daily basis or encounter that I have gotten used to and don't see as something to report, but perhaps are notable or at least interesting to you. Just leave me a comment and I will do my best to respond in a timely manner. (This also means more frequent updates. Yahoo!)

A few days ago I added a new track on the soundboard. The link is in a previous post.

The Voice! It CHANGES!

http://soundboard.com/sb/seanie314.aspx

I couldn't get it to embed so here is the next best thing!

Hair there and everywhere

I've been on T for 3 months and my body hair is EXPLODING. Not literally, that might hurt. Before the T I wasn't hairy at all so it's easier to notice. My leg hair is completely filling in and growing up over my knee up to my thighs and beyond. I did my spot yesterday and for the first time when I ripped my bandaid off hair came with it. Little hairs are also starting to appear on my back, stomach, chest, and under my chin. I was so afraid that I wouldn't grow any hair, now it's apparent that I am going to be one hairy bastard.

I'm working on getting a soundboard on here to document my voice change.

11 weeks

I don't like waiting this long between posts because I never know what to begin with.

I'll start with the great testosterone debacle of 2007.

In my last entry I told the tale of my first self injection. That same day I dropped off my prescription for syringes and testosterone at CVS. They told me it had to be approved by the insurance company and to do this the doctor would have to call them. The Pharmacists said they would take care of it. So I went home and waited.

And waited. I get a call around a week later saying my prescription was ready. I beeline it down to CVS only to discover the testosterone is still awaiting approval, but the syringes are ready to go. I left empty handed because, really, what good are needles without the T? I tried again a few days later. Nothing. Frustrated, I call the nurse at my doctor's office, leave her a message explaining the situation. In the meantime I begin to panic because my shot is due at the end of the week and still no T. I make an appointment with the receptionist just in case. Later that afternoon I get a voice mail from the nurse telling me that the insurance company was having a problem with their computers and it should be fixed by the end of the day and someone from CVS will call me. Phew. I cancel my appointment. This is Wednesday, my shot is due sometime Thursday/Friday.

By Monday I have finally had it and I call the nurse back, leaving another voice mail asking if I should make an appointment because I am now late. Tuesday I get a voice mail back saying that she called the insurance company, the CVS I used, and the prescription was promised for that afternoon. HOORAY!!!!!

Later that night I picked up the prescription (I had already grabbed the syringes during a previous visit because I know CVS only holds them for 2 weeks.)

So now 5 days late and super excited to have the vial in my hands, I began the task of self-injection. During administration there is a little pain (needle + skin (muscle) = :O ) but nothing compared to the pain in my leg the next day ( or when the cat jumped on it.)

Today marks the 11th week I've been on T. I've been told that a lot of guys get frustrated waiting for changes to happen. It's not that I' m not in a hurry, I am just realistic about the whole thing. I let myself get excited about little things like chin hair and try to sit back and enjoy the journey.

11 weeks

• I believe menstruation has ceased for good. Hooray!
• Noticing changes in body shape, especially in the face (jaw line) and shoulders (broader)
• Arms/legs more muscular
• Signs of hair growth beginning on chest
• Increase in facial hair. Above lip growing in nicely and reappears a few days after shaving. Chin hair starting to come in as well as hair along the sides of face.
• Noticing leg/arm hair growing in
• Mood changes noticed: Less emotional, more easily aggravated. Need more sleep than before or become a miserable demon ;P
• Loss of weight.
• Acne, and lots of it.

I'm beginning to pass easier than before. I can only think of one time recently that I was referred to as she (we don't count my mother) and it was an old lady with painted on eyebrows at the racetrack. Another lady at the racetrack said I looked younger than her 16 year old son. I friend I hadn't seen in two months couldn't get over how manly I looked, and my grandfather's girlfriend said I looked more like a boy when she saw me last week than I did a month ago. Yesterday I was called Sir on the phone. One thing that is setting me back is the rash I get on my face around my cheeks. I've been able to get it a lot better than it was but rosy cheeks still mark me as female.

Pictures

2 Month update

I recently passed my testosterone two monthiversary. Last Thursday I went into Boston for my shot before work because on Friday I had plans to go to the Cape with my dear old mother. I told the nurse I wanted to learn how to self inject and after I drew up the dose I did just that. I must say I was extremely nervous because I had never plunged a needle into my body before that. It wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. She said everything was perfect and asked if I wanted to come back in two weeks and do it for her one more time or if I just wanted to do it myself. That's right, I now have a perscription for testosterone and cooresponding needles waiting for me at CVS. She also made me a little bag with bandaids, gauze pads, and alcohol wipes so I'd be ready to go.

Friday morning bright and early my mother, whom we will refer to as Janet because it's much funnier, showed up for our weekend on the cape. I'm learning to deal with her a little better - sometimes I just need to let her talk and grunt a yes or no if she's looking for it. I'm not sure what she thinks testosterone is going to do to me, but she's voiced her opinion that she doesn't like it and is skeptical of my doctor. Most of this is because she doesn't know my doctor and all of this is really out of her comfort zone. She thinks my armpit hair is grow and told me I was flaunting it. ( I was in the hotel room wearing my binder and a beater. Sometimes you gotta raise your arms up!) She asked if hair was going to grow and if I was going to have to shave, in which she ended up feeling the stubble above my lip and said it was gross.

She asked me why I would want facial hair, and then she kind of answered her own question by saying, "Well I guess with this you can't pick and choose." So I'm not sure if she thinks I just want to look like a boy because as many times as we've been over this there seems to be some sort of a disconnect between what she thinks and what's really happening. I'll be interested to see what happens when my voice drops and the hair really starts coming in. She is getting better at not outting me in public - she refered to me as her son in front of a stranger. We joke around now about Sarah being my sister, so if she slips and calls me that I simply say, we didn't bring my sister along.

On a separate yet related note, I need to start looking for a new job. I applied to be a supervisor where I work however they are so slow that at this rate I'll be a Sup in 2013. I'm nervous because Sean has one reference and I know I need more than that. Sarah has plenty, but my sister is currently and forever unemployed.

I'll update again soon with pics, my browser is not allowing me to post at this moment.